- A self contained, non-invasive, urine catch-all that would not require insertion into an orifice of any sort
- A stethoscope that works and cannot be misplaced on any counter, med cart, or back of a toilet
- An extra set of hands - preferably not grabbing my ass
- Xray vision. Seriously - wouldn't that be nice? Can you imagine how fast triage would go then? And how interesting it would be?
- JCAHO to allow Leather 4 Point Restraints for every meth head parent that comes in with an injured child
- Voice recognition software for real time charting and no need to sit my ass down in front of a computer to type it all out
- An applause-o-meter on the wall of the trauma room for when we get it right
- A pen that works
- Clocks that are actually synchronized throughout the entire hospital. I can clock in on time on the first floor, but be 10 minutes late on the second floor (and it only takes 30 seconds to run up the stairs).
- One of those hats that holds a beer on each side with straws coming down to your mouth - I'd fill it full of Diet Coke and never have to leave the ER (especially if I had my self contained urine device mentioned above. Hint Hint Santa!).
- A fully trained, ER competent new hire
- A small, light, yet lethal sledgehammer I can carry in my back pocket and use at will
- A deed to a parking spot at the front of the parking lot
- A doctor with a sense of humor
- To not have to attend another diversity workshop, customer service class, or communication seminar ever, ever again
- A hand held doppler that can sense the pulse as you get closer to the skin and gravitates to the appropriate place like a magnet
- A laser device that automatically takes someone's blood pressure, pulse, respirations, saturation level, temperature, and CBG as they walk, crawl, or are rolled through the door
- Thermoregulating scrubs
- A full 30 minute lunch break
- And a partridge in a pear tree
Friday, December 21, 2007
All I Want For Christmas
My Christmas Wish List (otherwise known as Things That Would Make My Life Easier):