Friday, December 21, 2007

All I Want For Christmas

My Christmas Wish List (otherwise known as Things That Would Make My Life Easier):

  • A self contained, non-invasive, urine catch-all that would not require insertion into an orifice of any sort
  • A stethoscope that works and cannot be misplaced on any counter, med cart, or back of a toilet
  • An extra set of hands - preferably not grabbing my ass
  • Xray vision. Seriously - wouldn't that be nice? Can you imagine how fast triage would go then? And how interesting it would be?
  • JCAHO to allow Leather 4 Point Restraints for every meth head parent that comes in with an injured child
  • Voice recognition software for real time charting and no need to sit my ass down in front of a computer to type it all out
  • An applause-o-meter on the wall of the trauma room for when we get it right
  • A pen that works
  • Clocks that are actually synchronized throughout the entire hospital. I can clock in on time on the first floor, but be 10 minutes late on the second floor (and it only takes 30 seconds to run up the stairs).
  • One of those hats that holds a beer on each side with straws coming down to your mouth - I'd fill it full of Diet Coke and never have to leave the ER (especially if I had my self contained urine device mentioned above. Hint Hint Santa!).
  • A fully trained, ER competent new hire
  • A small, light, yet lethal sledgehammer I can carry in my back pocket and use at will
  • A deed to a parking spot at the front of the parking lot
  • A doctor with a sense of humor
  • To not have to attend another diversity workshop, customer service class, or communication seminar ever, ever again
  • A hand held doppler that can sense the pulse as you get closer to the skin and gravitates to the appropriate place like a magnet
  • A laser device that automatically takes someone's blood pressure, pulse, respirations, saturation level, temperature, and CBG as they walk, crawl, or are rolled through the door
  • Thermoregulating scrubs
  • A full 30 minute lunch break
  • And a partridge in a pear tree


Sandra said...

Um, I think the people at NASA developed an answer for the first one on the list.... ;) ;)

ERnursey said...

Oh baby, give me the thermoregulating scrubs, cool me down when I am having the hot flash and warm me up when I'm having the chills. Being a baby boomer ain't all it's cracked up to be.

by: PM, SN said...

Regarding Item 1: I've never seen one in the field, but isn't there such a thing as a Condom Catheter? I can't imagine how it stays on a flaccid member, but they must be at least somewhat effective if they're being produced.

Item 6: I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I think it would be a great idea. The tech is already in use, someone just has to package it and present it for use. Technology seems to have an odd place in healthcare as it does in education, where solutions are designed and implemented as cheaply as possible. Take it a step further, and you could easily video record your assessments in realtime and forward, say, an unusual series of responses to a neuro exam to the neuro and psych MDs on duty. Imagine walking into a room and having the telemetry data projected onto your retinas in realtime by low-intensity lasers. The technology is already here, someone's just got to tie it all together.

Item 8:

Item 9: There's no excuse for this. Seriously. Time synchronization is the most basic thing we can do with our technology, and yet every large building I've ever been in fails to do it. WTF?

Item 16: Interesting idea..maybe being drawn to the pulse like a magnet is infeasible, but haptic feedback technology (like the force-feedback in modern video game controllers) might be a good way to relay this data without using headphones or making a racket. I bet I could retrofit one of our dopplers with a vibrating motor to do this pretty easily.

Item 17: I actually saw a prototype of a shirt that can do all of those things, using woven circuit boards. This was new tech when I saw it maybe 3 years ago, but I guess as usual the limiting factor is who gets paid and when. This tech has already been implemented by DARPA's "future warrior" program at MIT.

Item 18: Also old tech, I guess there's just not a market for it yet.