Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

A montage of rollovers. That's what a Saturday night feels like. Play a little music in the background, clips of vehicles rolling, people being pulled out of the rig, and then cut to the ER with bloody people on backboards. It's all about immobilization baby.

Rollover #1 - single vehicle. Fell asleep at the wheel - over corrected when faced with the feeling of wheel on gravel. Guaranteed to get you at least a few hours stay in the ER with an Xray or two. And if you're drunk, you might get a pissed off police officer as your visitor of the day.

Rollover #2 - single vehicle. Excessive speed - took the corner too fast. When you come to a stand still on your roof after the 8th roll you may or may not be conscious. You may or may not be alive. You may or may not have a pissed off police officer standing outside your rig (were you drunk?).

Rollover #3 - single vehicle. Swerved to miss a deer - hit the ditch and rolled 1 or 2 times. Your head took out your driver's side window and you now have dicing abrasions on the left side of your face. Your ear is hanging by a thin strip of skin. You probably got knocked out and are coming to with the face of a pissed off police officer in your field of vision. He's holding your open bottle of Jack Daniels that made it through the wreck just fine, thank you.

Rollover #4- Multiple vehicle. Swerved to avoid another vehicle who also swerved to avoid you. They roll. You hit a third vehicle and roll off into the ditch. The third vehicle spins sideways and hits a fourth vehicle which rolls off into the ditch on the opposite side of the road. Two patients with neck fractures, two patients with broken femurs, and you - telling the police officer you only had "twee beers haccifer - honest"

Rollover #5 - Multiple vehicle. Swerved to hit another vehicle. You rolled when your tire ran up over the edge of their front bumper. You came to a rest on the passenger side of your vehicle. You are fine. The driver of the other car has a broken arm, a probable neck injury, and a large laceration on the left side of their face. He was a police officer - in his patrol car. You are still holding your beer.

It's amazing that when the drivers get into the ER they only had one drink (5 hours earlier mind you), they really weren't going that fast (at 80mph), and it's always someone else's fault. They are bloodied, strapped to a backboard, reeking of alcohol (and let me tell you - the smell of blood and alcohol together is not a pleasant floral aroma - oh no), and insisting "if that other guy wouldn't have been in his own lane, I wouldn't have hit him so it's his fucking fault!"

Now don't get me wrong - they can be quite entertaining. Especially the ones that believe they are in the world of "ER" on TV. We had one especially polite lady scream out "Where the fuck is Luca? Where's my Luca? I want Dr. Luca damn it!" When Dr. Q walked into the room she hollers "You're not Luca. Get the fuck out! Now!" She then turns to me and says "Who are you?"

"They call me Abby," I reply with a smile and a wink.