Thursday, February 22, 2007


I have an unusual thirst for blood. Now before you go off trying to come up with the correct medical terminology related to this disorder, let me clarify.

I Love Fights!

I went to the UFC fight in Vegas a couple of weeks ago and found out that I am an insenstive, bloodthirsty, whore of a human. My husband has decided that there is something so seriously wrong with me, he may need to commit me to the State Hospital. I believe he's thinking of hiding the children.

The pomp and circumstance surrounding these fights made me roll my eyes. "Yeah, whatever," I thought. "Just show me some blood." The stadium was full of screaming fans, the music was pounding, the floor was vibrating and I was drooling thinking about the amazing injuries I would see.

Yet, with each fight I became more disgusted. "Where's the blood? Where are the injuries?" I kept thinking. I was so disappointed. "Can't he just break the other guy's leg or something?" I wondered out loud. Four pairs of very disturbed eyes turned towards me. "WHAT?" I snapped.

Then it came. Someone finally broke open a torrent of blood. An amazing right to the eye was all it took. That man could HIT! The red was on the mat and I felt the excitement rise. Finally there was blood! I stood up in my seat as I screamed "Oh Thank God! Finally! Someone's hurt." My husband replied with "There is something very, very wrong with you."

It's Emergency Nurse Porn. Blood, broken bones, open chest wounds - they're all we need to feel the rush of adrenaline, the pounding of our hearts, and the excitement of what's to come. What I wouldn't give to be on the medical staff of a fight team.

The really sad thing is that I don't even know the fighter's names. I have no idea who they are, how many fights they've won, how long their reach is.........................nothing. My dear friend Heidi - the one who tricked me into watching the fights on pay-per-view the first time and got me addicted to the heroin that is UFC - just shook her head in dismay. Her disappointment in my knowledge of the fighters was palpable.

"I don't care who they are. I just want to see them hurt somebody," I told her.

"You have no respect for their talent!" she cried. "That's Rampage Jackson out there! And look - Tito Ortiz just walked by!"

"Tito who? Will he hurt someone?"

"You need help," she said.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Shout Outs

It's time to give a shout out to a few people I love to read. Obviously, the ones in my Links column are all wonderful, stupendous, amazing bloggers (am I kissing ass enough for you here?), but there are a few out there that deserve special recognition.

One of the funniest blogs I've read in a long time can be found at Tales from a Bohemian Road Nurse. I love people with a wicked sense of humor and I do believe she takes the cake this week. And that's a damn hard piece of cake to take away from me. It's full of rich dark chocolate, dripping with yummy frosting - yet when you take a bite, it can leave a funny taste in your mouth.

If you are a parent, or hell, if you've even walked by a kid in your life, (that's excessive use of comma's isn't it?) then you will enjoy Busymom. Her posts make me feel like I'm not the only want who wants to run naked down the road, screaming and pulling my hair out by the roots - just because I am a mom.

For the girly-girls (or just anyone who enjoys shopping and talking about girl crap - and by crap I mean stuff, not poop), check out Savvy Chick. She has all kinds of cool crap (stuff, not poop) on her blog. She's helped me save some money too by listing good deals she finds. Other times, I've looked at her lists and thought "How the H-E-Double Toothpicks am I going to afford that? But oh! I want one."

Another enjoyable little diddy can be found at The Sarcastic Journalist. Her posts make me giggle, sometimes guffaw. This one combines Valentines Day, kids playing in pee, pizza, and a gossip rag. How can one go wrong with that?

Enjoy the reads people!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Big Daddy and the Chainsaw

Big Daddy came into the ED late Friday evening. He had definitely earned his nickname as he was 6 ft 5 inches and 300 lbs of hulking muscle. Big Daddy came in with a bloody towel wrapped around his left arm, and a tiny little blonde around his right. He left a pack of buddies in the ED waiting room as he walked up to the triage window.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Yeah - I cut my arm with the chainsaw I was using," he replied.

"Oh Big Daddy, you're so brave" cooed the little blonde.

I cast a sideways glance at Lucy who was trying very hard not to spit Diet Coke all over her computer screen.

I escorted Big Daddy and his companion back to ED1. My curiosity got the better of me and I asked "What were you doing with the chainsaw?" I've let my curiosity lead me before and I've found out many things that I would be better off not knowing. Like the man with the Q-tips in his penis because the demons lived there, or the woman who sawed off her hand with a steak knife because God and Satan were arguing over her soul. I also asked a man why he shot up with coffee once and he told me he thought he could get a better high. You'd think I would have learned my lesson about following my curiosity. Nope.

"I was dancing with it," he calmly stated.

I dropped the blood pressure cuff and said "you were what???"

"Oh Big Daddy, you're so very very brave" tiny little blonde piped in.

"I was dancing with the chainsaw. I wanted to show Tina here how graceful I was. When I went to do an arc above my head, my left hand slipped off the handle and the chainsaw slid down the side of my arm."

This was not what I expected. A story laced with alcohol and trying to build a new bookshelf for his pretty wife, or camping in the woods and cutting down firewood, or even showing off his new engine to the neighbor next door - those were the stories I was expecting. I think it showed on my face.

"What? You never heard of chainsaw dancing before?" he asked.

"Nope - never heard a single word about it," I replied

"Well, it's actually not called chainsaw dancing. I was dancing with props trying to tell a story. The chainsaw was just part of the story I was dancing for Tina. It symbolized my emergence into manhood."

I took a second look at the man in front of me - long hair held back with a bandanna, decked out in leathers, arms sleeved in tattoos, looking the very image of a hard core biker. I stared at him for a moment as I tried to put the images together in my head. I thought of his buddies out in the waiting room and I said the only thing I could..............

"Yes Big Daddy, you are very brave."

New Job Offer

I've been offered the position of ED Nurse Manager. Do I want to take it? Do I want to leave the every day stress induced high of the ED? It's a scary prospect, that's for sure.

What's the good?
  • higher pay
  • ability to shape and change policies/procedures
  • ability to run a team
  • normal hours
  • limited weekends
  • ability to fine tune my leadership skills
What's the bad?
  • I'm one of "them"
  • No longer in the trenches
Now another good thing is that I can still jump in and help during codes, traumas, high census moments, etc. I think that will keep my mind working and my blood pumping. I love the high of working in the ED. I love the moments of insane disorganized chaos. I thrive on those moments. But, I also want to see my family more and have some sort of rhythm to my life.

Working as the ED Clinical Coordinator was perfect. Half time on the floor, half time in the office. Those positions are being transitioned into Nurse Managers now. Decisions, decisions.