Thursday, May 10, 2007

Daily Deeds of Nursing

Someone sent this to me and I figured I would share with you all. Of course, I'll take it and run with it........ **comments surrounded by these symbols are mine**

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work.
**Yes, this is true. I can't even come up with a smart ass comment. It's just true.**

You know you're a nurse if you would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley.
**I'd like to meet him in a dark alley..........with a 24 Fr. Foley, a 14 g IV, and a baseball bat.**

Your sense of humor gets more warped each year. Almost everything can seem humorous...eventually.
**Absolutely. I find it funny to dream about shoving large tubes in body orifices - see above.**

You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.
**Some of you may think this is impossible, but many a nurse can tell you not only what the patient's health problem is from the smell of their poo - but also what they had for dinner last Wednesday.**

You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know.
**Haven't run into this yet - we have a kick ass pharmacist who knows every little chemical reaction that medicine will produce.**

You check the caller ID on your day off to see if anyone from the hospital is trying to call and ask you to work.
**I don't even look - When the phone rings at 5 AM I just pick it up, say "No." and slam it back down.**

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at the another table throw up.
**I must admit I've done this. In relation to the statement above about the warped sense of humor...........Yep, I thought it was funny.**

You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you did before you started nursing.
**Have you read my previous posts? Holy shit. I have a foul mouth.**

Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least4 of them on you.
**I usually store mine in my hair. A ponytail makes a good pen holder.**

You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult."
**I could try to be professional here and say something like "Oh, there are many good doctors out there and they are team players," yada yada yada...........but I won't**

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.
** Not only have I done this, but I also answered as God when a little old lady called the desk and said "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret." **

Your bladder can expand to the size of a winnebago's water tank.
**I have the amazing talent of only having to pee once a day sometimes - and I can pee so fast it'll make your head spin.**

You find yourself checking out other customer's veins in grocery waiting lines.
**I check out everyone's veins. I closely resemble that guy who can't keep his eyes off your chest when he meets you - except when I'm not looking you in the eyes, I'm checking out your veins and thinking "Oh! Oh! Oh! I could get a 14g in that baby!"**

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
**I think this applies only to experienced nurses. Those newbies tend to follow old people around the mall hoping they'll fall flat in front of them having an active MI or CVA. I tend to ignore people who clutch their chest or look a little blue.**

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.
**Oh my hell. If I told you where my finger has been, you'd probably never read here again. You definitely would never shake my hand.**

You have seen more penises than any prostitute.
**Well.....................that's probably true.**

I absolutely love being a nurse.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Preparing For The Move

We've been busily (is that really a word? It just looks so strange) preparing for the move to the new hospital. I went through our ortho cart this weekend and switched it over to a newer, prettier cart. Yes, prettier. Every little thing counts in the ER. I think that it was probably the first time in 50 years that anyone has actually rummaged through that piece of equipment.

I pulled out half the stock - who really needs 28 rolls of 2 inch plaster casting material? You could do some crazy things with that - and we do. When it gets slow, we pull out the plaster and play. Did you know that using casting material you can pretty much make a model of anything? Yes, ANYTHING. What a wonderful product.

So next is the difficult airway cart. For those of you familiar with LMA's, you know how entertaining this will be.


An interesting little tidbit came out of Snake River this AM - A barber in the prison stabbed Ward Weaver in the neck with a homemade instrument. Imagine let a convicted murder act as a barber, with access to sharp instruments, and he stabs another convicted murderer. Shocking - ain't it?