Monday, December 17, 2007

Don't Waste Your Breath

It's been a while, so it's time for another list.

Things you should not waste your breath saying to your ER nurse because he or she will not believe you anyway:
  1. The only thing that works for me is Morphine. I'm allergic to every other narcotic known to man.
  2. He's had a fever of 106 for 5 days and the tylenol and motrin aren't working to bring it down. I know he's running around the room right now, but he's just faking it. He's really sick and I need some antibiotics for him.
  3. I've been vomiting for 17 hours straight and can't keep anything down. Huh? What? This? It's an old food stain from McDonalds. Yeah old - even thought the ketchup is still wet. It's like, from the last time I wore this shirt.
  4. The only thing that works for me is Demerol. I'm allergic to every other narcotic known to man.
  5. What? These? No, these aren't needle marks. They're just.......um.....a form of self mutilation involving sharp instruments.
  6. The little man in the call light speaks to me.
  7. Last time I was here, Dr. Q gave me a prescription for 100 Percocet and I need a refill because my dog ate them all.
  8. No my dog is not dead.
  9. The only thing that works for me is Dilaudid. I'm allergic to every other narcotic known to man.
  10. No, I've only had this foul smelling, pus like drainage from my genital region for a day or so.
  11. Nope, I can't pee right now.
  12. I know I have 28 tattoos, but I'm deathly afraid of needles.
  13. I've done everything the telephone nurse told me to do, but I'm still not better.
  14. The only thing that works for me is Fentanyl. I'm allergic to every other narcotic known to man.
  15. Nope, I ain't been drinkin'. Nob at aaawl.
  16. I was sittin' there minding my own business, when all of a sudden..................

5 comments:

MY OWN WOMAN... said...

They got a million of them, don't they?

The T-Dude said...

Brilliant!

JustKeepSwimmin said...

You forgot to add "I slipped and fell on (insert object, and orifice it is in) while (what ever activity is reasonable ex. showering)

By the way I love your blog it make me laugh and has inspired me, I have started one but it's no where near this good..
by the way I added a link to your page I hope that was ok..

The T-Dude said...

I was going to say the say thing that JustKeepSwimmin said but was running too fast. Nice job Swimmin!

Tabitha said...

A-men sister.