For Meadow - When the Eagle Won

Bikers tend to love our county. Long, deserted highways stretch for miles and miles. Flat pavement, views of the entire county, wide open spaces - it must be appealing. The summer months bring us more bikers than you could imagine.

Which presents a problem.

Motorcycles and animals do not mix well.

Now I have multiple stories of big bad trauma cases involving motorcycles and deer, cows, or horses, but after the last sad blog entry it's time for some humor. And can I just say that a motorcycle and an eagle make for a hilarious story?

Veronica was on a solo ride across the state. She needed a break from her husband and incessantly whining kids, so she hopped on her Harley and took off. She called them 2 hours after leaving and said "Don't expect me home sooner than next week. Cook your own damn dinner." I liked Veronica immediately when she told me this.

It was a Wednesday afternoon when the EMS tones went out. "Medic 1, please respond to a motorcycle vs. animal crash on Hwy 116 at mile marker 148. Victim alert and responsive. Complains of facial cuts and neck pain."

"Here we go again," I thought. I checked the trauma bay, made sure everything was stocked. I called Lucy to be my second nurse. "But I'm on lunch," she replied.

Because it's so much more important to eat than take care of a patient.

I dragged Lucy's ass into the trauma bay and we waited for the arrival of Medic 1. A couple of minutes later State Trooper Smith walked through the ambulance bay shaking his head and laughing.

"What's up, Smith?" Lucy asked.

"You guys shoulda seen it. Oh my god." Laugh, snort, giggle. "Oh hell man. I was right behind her when it happened. I've never laughed so hard in my life."

"What? What happened??"

Trooper Smith proceeded to tell us the story. Apparently Miss Veronica was enjoying a nice leisurely drive through the country when an eagle decided he wanted a ride too. The eagle flew right in front of Veronica and slammed into her chest, which apparently was not exactly how it wanted to land.

"Oh man, shit was flying everywhere! Feathers, arms - oh hell." More laughter. By now Trooper Smith was crying.

Veronica didn't enjoy having the eagle on her chest so she started trying to pull it off with one hand, while slowing the bike and steering it into the ditch with the other. The eagle became mighty pissed that she would even (gasp) DARE to touch him, so he gave her a piece of his mind. Talons slashing, wings flapping - the fight was on.

Veronica dumped her bike in the ditch and rolled off with the eagle now attached to her head.

Laughing and snorting, Trooper Smith said, "She.....she......was.....giggle...heehee......she was trying to pull..........heehee.......the eagle off.......snort......and......he was clutched onto her........laugh, giggle........head.....and wouldn't let.....giggle......go." He was now bent over with his hands on his knees laughing uncontrollably. I thought we were going to have to give him a sedative.

Lucy and I were laughing along with Smith. It's hard not to when someone is bent over, crying and snorting with laughter. That's one damn funny sight. Especially when they are in a police uniform.

Just about then, EMS rolled up with the patient. As they brought her into the bay, she heard Trooper Smith's laughter.

"Oh great! You told them didn't you?" She shouted.

He was trying his best to compose himself, but every time he looked at her he burst out laughing again.

"Yeah, Yeah. Whatever. I'm sure it was fucking funny watching it happen. It wasn't so funny for me though," she said. Then she started to giggle. "OK, maybe it was."

Veronica filled me in on the rest of the story. She was screaming, and trying to rip the eagle off her head - not realizing she was actually holding the eagle in place as he was trying to fly away. This pissed the eagle off and he started scratching her and flapping his wings harder. Feathers were flying everywhere, the eagle was screeching, blood was flying from her face, and the trooper was yelling at her to let the damn eagle go.

"I finally let him go and he flew off." And this is when Trooper Smith started laughing at her. "He couldn't stop. He tried to pull it together and be professional, but he kept snorting and giggling."

"She had feathers.........stuck on her face," Trooper Smith piped up from the back of the room. More laughter.

The EMS crew had cleaned Veronica up for us. She had multiple cuts on her face, but none were too bad. A few would leave scars, but she was otherwise extremely lucky. Her neck pain turned out to be nothing.

She was more pissed off about the fact that she had to dump her bike in the ditch and it got scratched up. "I just bought that thing 6 months ago. Damn it!"

We gave her a few stitches, bandaged up what we could, and sent her back out with Trooper Smith to her bike.

"I'm not going home now. I have more riding to do."