Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Oh The Joys of Rural Living

Mr. Estupido did the smart thing and rode his bicycle to the bar to drink his 8 Rum and Cokes and 6 Bud Lights. He hopped his ass on that bike and pedaled fast and furious down the road to fulfill his nightly ritual.

That was about the only smart thing he did.

Around 11 PM he decided it was time to go home. He staggered out to the bike rack (as a side note - how many bars do you know of that have a bike rack? Hmmm? I'm not talking in the big city here - it's redneckville 100%), swung his leg over the middle bar, and promptly fell over. He had a nice long gash above his right eye and a few scratches on his right arm. He tried again.

And fell again.

You'd think that the people watching from inside the bar would help him. Nope. It's much funner to point and laugh (I have to admit I'd probably be laughing too).

On the third try he got it right.

He then pulled out of the drive and headed down the sidewalk towards home, blood running down his face.

About 3/4 of a mile down the road, he thought he saw something in the ditch by the golf course. His curiosity (that word just looks wrong) got the best of him and he went to investigate. Now I have told you all before what happens when you let your curiosity take control. It's a bad, bad, bad thing. Why can't we just say no? I know, I know. It's impossible. Sigh..................

Anyway, Mr. Estupido steers his bicycle toward the ditch. He squints his eyes to try and see more clearly, but the blood from his cut is clouding his vision. He tries to wipe it away with his arm, but only succeeds in making more of a mess. Wait, wait! He knows there is something there, he can see it moving! What is it? What is.........



OH SHIT!





He hits a deer.





On a bicycle.





Yes............... he did.




My first thought when I heard the EMS tones go off for a "bicycle vs. deer" was "you have got to be fucking kidding me." They weren't.

He ended up with a broken arm, 2 more cuts on his face (plus the original one), and an alcohol level of .320

The deer ran off. Unhurt we would suppose.

4 comments:

MY OWN WOMAN... said...

That's a classic if ever I read one.

Saramedic said...

Wow, I thought riding mower vs. deer was bad... But bicycle vs deer is even more awesome!!

AtYourCervix said...

Oh deer.

Melissa said...

Oh my goodness, people amaze me.