Saturday, February 17, 2007

Big Daddy and the Chainsaw

Big Daddy came into the ED late Friday evening. He had definitely earned his nickname as he was 6 ft 5 inches and 300 lbs of hulking muscle. Big Daddy came in with a bloody towel wrapped around his left arm, and a tiny little blonde around his right. He left a pack of buddies in the ED waiting room as he walked up to the triage window.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Yeah - I cut my arm with the chainsaw I was using," he replied.

"Oh Big Daddy, you're so brave" cooed the little blonde.

I cast a sideways glance at Lucy who was trying very hard not to spit Diet Coke all over her computer screen.

I escorted Big Daddy and his companion back to ED1. My curiosity got the better of me and I asked "What were you doing with the chainsaw?" I've let my curiosity lead me before and I've found out many things that I would be better off not knowing. Like the man with the Q-tips in his penis because the demons lived there, or the woman who sawed off her hand with a steak knife because God and Satan were arguing over her soul. I also asked a man why he shot up with coffee once and he told me he thought he could get a better high. You'd think I would have learned my lesson about following my curiosity. Nope.

"I was dancing with it," he calmly stated.

I dropped the blood pressure cuff and said "you were what???"

"Oh Big Daddy, you're so very very brave" tiny little blonde piped in.

"I was dancing with the chainsaw. I wanted to show Tina here how graceful I was. When I went to do an arc above my head, my left hand slipped off the handle and the chainsaw slid down the side of my arm."

This was not what I expected. A story laced with alcohol and trying to build a new bookshelf for his pretty wife, or camping in the woods and cutting down firewood, or even showing off his new engine to the neighbor next door - those were the stories I was expecting. I think it showed on my face.

"What? You never heard of chainsaw dancing before?" he asked.

"Nope - never heard a single word about it," I replied

"Well, it's actually not called chainsaw dancing. I was dancing with props trying to tell a story. The chainsaw was just part of the story I was dancing for Tina. It symbolized my emergence into manhood."

I took a second look at the man in front of me - long hair held back with a bandanna, decked out in leathers, arms sleeved in tattoos, looking the very image of a hard core biker. I stared at him for a moment as I tried to put the images together in my head. I thought of his buddies out in the waiting room and I said the only thing I could..............

"Yes Big Daddy, you are very brave."


Cory said...

Hilarious! And oh how I can relate. I really didn't want to know how rebar became lodged in a male's rectum but I asked anyway! lol Can't wait to read the rest!

Bohemian Road Nurse... said...

Too funny! (Hope his arm gets better...)

ERnursey said...

That is the funny thing about working in the ED, unless you work there you'd never believe the stories we hear.