Don't Touch That Thing!

For all my male peeps out there - remember when your mommy told you "not to play with that thing or you'll go blind!!!"? Remember? I bet you do. Guess what?

It really happens.

Seriously. It does.

I was taking care of a guy one day who came in for abdominal pain. He also happened to be blind. He asked me what I looked like and so I tried to describe myself to him.....

"5ft 10 inches, 115 pounds, blond hair to my ass ,and big boobies."

HeeHee - OK only one of those is right. You figure it out.

Anyway, he obviously had not been blind all his life because he could picture whatever I was describing to him. Nodding his head and smiling, he would always say "Ah yes, I remember."

"How long have you been blind?" I asked.

"Since I was 25," he replied.

"What happened?"

"Well, I didn't listen to my mama," he said.

"What? How so?" I asked.

He laughed as he said, "She told me never to play with myself or I'd go blind."

"Seriously?" I giggled in reply.

"Well sort of - I was having sex with my girlfriend and at the moment of, uh, impact, I went blind."

"Holy shit!" I said.

"Yeah, they said I had a hemorrhage that affected my optic nerves and I actually did lose my vision."

I stared at him dumbfounded. I didn't know whether I should laugh or offer sympathy.

He pulled the covers up over his chest and patted his belly. "Yeeeeeeep," he said. "I shoulda listened to my mama."

He turned his head toward me with a crooked grin. "But it was so much damn fun NOT listening to her."

I was still laughing as I walked out the door.