Thursday, May 10, 2007

Daily Deeds of Nursing

Someone sent this to me and I figured I would share with you all. Of course, I'll take it and run with it........ **comments surrounded by these symbols are mine**

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work.
**Yes, this is true. I can't even come up with a smart ass comment. It's just true.**

You know you're a nurse if you would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley.
**I'd like to meet him in a dark alley..........with a 24 Fr. Foley, a 14 g IV, and a baseball bat.**

Your sense of humor gets more warped each year. Almost everything can seem humorous...eventually.
**Absolutely. I find it funny to dream about shoving large tubes in body orifices - see above.**

You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.
**Some of you may think this is impossible, but many a nurse can tell you not only what the patient's health problem is from the smell of their poo - but also what they had for dinner last Wednesday.**

You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know.
**Haven't run into this yet - we have a kick ass pharmacist who knows every little chemical reaction that medicine will produce.**

You check the caller ID on your day off to see if anyone from the hospital is trying to call and ask you to work.
**I don't even look - When the phone rings at 5 AM I just pick it up, say "No." and slam it back down.**

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at the another table throw up.
**I must admit I've done this. In relation to the statement above about the warped sense of humor...........Yep, I thought it was funny.**

You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you did before you started nursing.
**Have you read my previous posts? Holy shit. I have a foul mouth.**

Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least4 of them on you.
**I usually store mine in my hair. A ponytail makes a good pen holder.**

You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult."
**I could try to be professional here and say something like "Oh, there are many good doctors out there and they are team players," yada yada yada...........but I won't**

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.
** Not only have I done this, but I also answered as God when a little old lady called the desk and said "Are you there God? It's me, Margaret." **

Your bladder can expand to the size of a winnebago's water tank.
**I have the amazing talent of only having to pee once a day sometimes - and I can pee so fast it'll make your head spin.**

You find yourself checking out other customer's veins in grocery waiting lines.
**I check out everyone's veins. I closely resemble that guy who can't keep his eyes off your chest when he meets you - except when I'm not looking you in the eyes, I'm checking out your veins and thinking "Oh! Oh! Oh! I could get a 14g in that baby!"**

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
**I think this applies only to experienced nurses. Those newbies tend to follow old people around the mall hoping they'll fall flat in front of them having an active MI or CVA. I tend to ignore people who clutch their chest or look a little blue.**

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.
**Oh my hell. If I told you where my finger has been, you'd probably never read here again. You definitely would never shake my hand.**

You have seen more penises than any prostitute.
**Well.....................that's probably true.**





I absolutely love being a nurse.

10 comments:

BellaLinda said...

**Oh my hell. If I told you where my finger has been, you'd probably never read here again.**

Why yes, yes I would. (Continue reading, that is.)

Bohemian Road Nurse... said...

Oh Lord, that comment about seeing more penises than any prostitute is soooooo true. Big ones, little ones, crooked ones, skinny ones, fat ones, floppy ones---and I'll never forget the uncircumcised one that was so tiny and small--- and hiding in like an "inny"--- that I had to get a male nurse to help me figure how to pull it out of it's hiding place. (The poor guy never uttered a word while this was going on...)

(Can you tell I'm exhausted and it's about 2:30 am here? I have no earthly idea why I picked up on the penis comment and started talking about it....but that's a nurse for ya....)

Reserved Stipulation said...

That was so funny! That last one is the best. :)

AtYourCervix said...

You've been tagged for a meme! See my blog for details.

DisappearingJohn said...

Oh, man, I didn't realize At your Cervix had tagged you, too. Well, you've been tagged again, this time by me, too!

MandyHamm said...

How true, how true...I've been MIA for a bit and I've missed your blogging...keep up the good work and wit...

Bob C. said...

I have yet to stop laughing yess allof these are true.

girlvet said...

Come back errn you are missed!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I tottaly agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I tottaly agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)