Saturday, January 14, 2006


She walked into the ER requesting to see a doc for her "Virginia". Naturally, we look down beside her expecting to see a cute little girl in ringlets with ribbons in her hair named Virginia. Oh no - we see nothing.

"Your Virginia? Is she meeting you here?" Lucy asks.

"No - my Virginia is with me. I need a doc to look at her."

We obviously need a psych consult on this one with her imaginary friend. There's always something about imaginary friends - maybe I should get one.

"Ma'am I don't see Virginia," Lucy says.

"Well of course you don't silly. I'm not naked yet"

Hold on there Nelly! Why do we need to see her naked to find Virginia? Is she hiding under her clothes? Little did I know how right I was.

Lucy takes Ms. Imaginary Friend back to room 1, gets a history on her, and has her change into a gown. "So, what's the problem with Virginia?" Lucy asks.

"Well, she's been really itchy lately and really irritated," the lady replies. Suddenly a foul odor sweeps the room as the lady removes her clothes.

"Um...." (cough cough) "Has Virginia gotten into anything she shouldn't?" asks Lucy.

"Well.............she met up with a man who might have had something bad" the lady says. This is when the lightbulb in Lucy's head goes on - and she attempts to back out of the room slowly. "Virginia? Do you mean your vagina?"

"Yeah! Of course I do. She's got something wrong with her!"

Lucy comes back out to the nurse's station looking a little green. "She was talking about her vagina y'all." A stench follows Lucy out of the room. Three heads turn together toward Room 1. What could make someone stink so bad? What could cause the hair on the back of your neck to stand on end because it's the only thing holding you up so you don't faint? What could permeate through the air at a rate of 10 feet per second?

An STD. Yes, Ms. Imaginary Friend had met up with Mr. Bad Man and come back with a very stinky case of (insert STD here, they all pretty much work). Upon further questioning, she had had the symptoms for about 4 months but never had time to get to a clinic. It's 5PM on a Sunday and she decides Virginia needs a doc. Oh - how Virginia needed a doctor.

A couple of antibiotic shots and a take home prescription later, Ms. Imaginary Friend thanked us for fixing Virginia and said "I'll see y'all later!"

Oh - I hope not. At least not until Virginia feels a little bit better.


Stacy said...

OMFG!!!! Stinky 2mo old crotch. Your poor nose.

mzbees said...

Woohoo! The stanky crotch post! You complete me. :)

nawa dolker said...

Oh man this was too funny