The (un)Reality of TV

Forgive me, for I have sinned. I watch medical dramas. Yes, I do. I watch them and I giggle, then I snort, then I guffaw, then I shout at the TV "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT YOU IDIOT!". Meanwhile my husband rolls his eyes and walks out of the room. We have a cool relationship like that. He rolls his eyes and leaves whenever I yell at the TV. We've bonded.

Let's do a low down on this fall's TV shows (medical drama or not)

1. One Tree Hill

Do the powers that be seriously think that we will believe CPR compressions are performed on the abdomen? And did you know we're supposed to check a carotid pulse after every 3 compressions? Wow - these must be the new 2005 guidelines everyone is up in arms about. What is even more amazing is that Lucas (yeah - that's the character's name. Not George Lucas, he probably would have gotten it right) was supposedly "not breathing" yet a simple oxygen mask stimulated his respirations and created enough of a BiPap pressure to keep him alive. Wow! The studies that we could do on this.

Don't even get me started on Hailey. Seriously - hit by a car, thrown into the air, pregnant, and unresponsive. Cut to the doctor telling her husband that she has several fractures in her leg and she won't wake up. Oh - and he can't worry about the baby right now, he has to save the mother's life (yeah, OK so I agree there - don't tell anyone). Cut to the next scene where Hailey is in a hospital bed with no oxygen, IV, or monitors in place. She also has a cast on her right lower leg with it suspended in a sling - but no traction pulleys are in place on the bed. It's a miracle! She also wakes up with a clear voice, not the scratchy one we usually hear from someone who hasn't spoken in ages. Hmmmm.............. Oh, and of course all is well with the baby.

2. Grey's Anatomy

Residents who purposefully endanger the lives of a patient so they can get to the top of an organ donor list are not graciously allowed back into their programs because they "meant well". Residents that are pissy whiney babies don't go far in medical school without a serious "come to Jesus" meeting. Oh - and IV tubing that ends nowhere doesn't help the patient much. Just a few thoughts there people. Give me time. Give me time.

3. ER

If there is an IV bottle hanging beside the patient, make sure 1) the bottle is dripping, and 2) the patient has an IV site. Easy peasy? Please, for the love of all that is holy, please correctly identify heart rhythms. Afib is not the same as a 2nd degree block. It's really not. Finally, not every ER nurse has an affair with an attending. Some, but not all.

4. Soap Operas (all of them)

People on ventilators need an ET tube coming out of their mouth, and noone uses those black accordion "shwish shwish" ventilators. Not even rural hospitals.

5. Any other show on television or major motion picture

Everybody all together now: "You do not shock asystole, You do not shock asystole". Good job class.

Gold stars all around!