Hog Tied

He arrived at the back door in a large white vehicle with flashing blue and reds on top. It was a bad sign. It's always a bad sign.

Mr. Law Enforcemen Officer (Mr. LEO) proceeds to drag out Mr. Violent Man. Mr. Violent Man is shouting and screaming - in Spanish. I don't speak spanish. Dr. Q doesn't speak spanish. No one on duty speaks spanish. This is not going to be good.

"Did you check him for weapons?" I ask.

"He's clear", Mr. LEO replies. I then notice that Mr. Violent Man is hogtied. Hogtied with white rope. Why is this important? I'm not really sure - but I remember the white rope and how it was frayed on the edges. Mr. LEO and 5 of his closest similarly dressed friends assist Mr. Violent Man into the ER.

"Puta! Puta! Puta!" He screams at me.

"No hablo espanol" I reply.

"Fucking Bitch" he says in perfectly accented English. Oh yes, it's going to be a grand day.

A translator finally arrives. She looks lost a minute into the conversation. She proceeds to tell us that Mr. Violent Man is not making any sense and can't follow a conversation. She asks why he's here. When one of the police officers say "He was threatening his co-workers with a chainsaw", her face drains of color. We have to bribe her with candy and offers of free medical care to get her to stay.

Mr. Violent Man takes 8 mg of Haldol and 10 mg of Versed to calm down enough to get him to quit yelling and lay obediently on the stretcher. He soon starts singing the Mexican national anthem to us, horribly off key. But he is happy - happy and calm. After all, that's what matters now, isn't it?

Dr. Q finally gets close enough to examine the patient. Why is it that the nurses are the first line of defense? Dr. Q just smiles and pushes us forward in front of him. "To the hold room!" he shouts, like a king commanding his army. Mr. LEO and his 5 buddies immediately obey.

"Hey! Wait!" I yell. "Don't forget the patient."

Reluctantly they turn around. After we remove his restraints, they escort him to the hold room. I can hear the words "Viva la Mexico!" resounding down the halls.