Thursday, August 21, 2008

Finer Than Frog Hair, Thank Ya

Well shit. I got tagged. Damn it. But since The T Dude said such nice things about me, I am now obligated to play along. I know how excited you all are to read more useless facts about me, but hey - I'm a damn cool chick so read it all anyway.

Da Rulez:

1. Link the person that tagged you. (That would be This Dude)
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 following blogger's by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged.

The six things:

Can I just say that trying to come up with 6 things I haven't already told y'all in my previous list posts is harder than shit dried on a popsicle stick? Seriously people. And then to make them
unspectacular? Hmmmm. I love a good challenge.

1) The absolute very first thing I do after I wake up or have sex is pee (How's that for a number 1? Huh? Huh?).

2) I love stars. Love them. I'm talking about the sharp pointy things, not the ones that grace the pages of People magazine every week. Those stars are no longer fascinating to me. Same old, same old - blah, everyday. Kiki Chochonos slept with Harvey Bigdong and his wife Sally Oblivious just found out and is taking it all like a trooper since she still accompanies the kids and their Nanny to the park everyday. Pfffffllllltttt. Whatever.

3) I don't have much compassion for whiny, sniveling, oh-woe-is-me type of people. They drive me absolutely bat shit crazy. Coping skills - get some.

4) I sighted in my rifle yesterday getting ready for hunting season in the Wild West. Yeehaw. "Thar's baaaaare in dem dare hills!"

5) I got a new phone last week. A Nokia 5310 and I lubs it. It's my new best friend. Hell, if it had a "special" attachment, I wouldn't need a man (I know the phone is not a quirk, but the fact that it's my new best friend might qualify. Or possibly the fact that it could be my life partner with a few add ons).

6) I hate shit like this, and yet I cannot stop myself from doing them. Tags, quizzes, questionnaires, etc. I MUST give the world my opinion. Sad, I know.

The Tags

Well now you're really making me think. Shiznit. Whoever will I tag?

1) Tricia Rennea because I adore her girly artwork. Plus she cracks my ass up whenever we talk on the interwebz.

2) Orthette because I had one hell of a time with her on the 50 yard line in Biloxi, Mississippi when we were both there helping out after Hurricane Katrina (and no - not THAT kind of time. Keep your mind out of the gutter people).

3) Crzegrl because she linked me once and I got a shitload of hits from her. Plus - I adore her blog and love to read it.

4) Trauma Queen because he is the funniest Across-The-Pond blogger I have read.

5) Mel because she rocks my socks and her spiritual journey is one to be watched and admired. Obviously, I do poorly following in her footsteps.

6) I'm already running scared from those I've listed. They'll be chasing after me ready to kick my big ole' hiney for tagging them. So I'm calling this one finished.

Sigh........................... off to laundry now.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Props for the Homies

THIS is some funny ass shit. I snorted at least thrice reading this novela.

Necking and such

I got to stick my finger in a hole in some guy's neck today. How cool is my job?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Don't Touch That Thing!

For all my male peeps out there - remember when your mommy told you "not to play with that thing or you'll go blind!!!"? Remember? I bet you do. Guess what?

It really happens.

Seriously. It does.

I was taking care of a guy one day who came in for abdominal pain. He also happened to be blind. He asked me what I looked like and so I tried to describe myself to him.....

"5ft 10 inches, 115 pounds, blond hair to my ass ,and big boobies."

HeeHee - OK only one of those is right. You figure it out.

Anyway, he obviously had not been blind all his life because he could picture whatever I was describing to him. Nodding his head and smiling, he would always say "Ah yes, I remember."

"How long have you been blind?" I asked.

"Since I was 25," he replied.

"What happened?"

"Well, I didn't listen to my mama," he said.

"What? How so?" I asked.

He laughed as he said, "She told me never to play with myself or I'd go blind."

"Seriously?" I giggled in reply.

"Well sort of - I was having sex with my girlfriend and at the moment of, uh, impact, I went blind."

"Holy shit!" I said.

"Yeah, they said I had a hemorrhage that affected my optic nerves and I actually did lose my vision."

I stared at him dumbfounded. I didn't know whether I should laugh or offer sympathy.

He pulled the covers up over his chest and patted his belly. "Yeeeeeeep," he said. "I shoulda listened to my mama."

He turned his head toward me with a crooked grin. "But it was so much damn fun NOT listening to her."

I was still laughing as I walked out the door.